- January 29th, 2010
I honestly hate living like this. Without you I mean. And you are so happy in your new life without me.I'm always so close but so far away. Waiting in the wings for my cue. A cue that will never come.Wasting my time fretting and wondering what you're thinking about and if you're ok. Not being able to slow my heart beat every time I see you. Having to lie and say I'm happy. I'm not. And I don't have the heart to jeopardize what we have by saying "I'm still in love with you, I've always been in love with you, I'll never stop loving you."because it wouldn't make a difference anyway. All I can do is sit by and be the "best friend" that watches everything I don't want to watch and hears everything I don't want to hear. But really "best friend" is just a substitute for "still not over you". But I'm used to this I guess. Always being the best friend. The friend that you don't really want to hang out with, you just feel bad for saying no all the time. But let's face it. I don't belong in your life. I never did and I never will. So I'll just keep rehearsing these lines and pretending everything is fine. Maybe I'll actually find someone I can tolerate to be with, a runner up. The funny part is, you will probably read this and not even realize it is about you. Or you will know, but you will ignore it. Not knowing what to say.
I miss you is not enough.